An elder brother stood by his little brother, shielding him inside a cramped lift. When outside, the little brother raised his head and glanced at his brother who said no words, but yet the little brother knew which direction they were going to hike to next.

I took the marine cable car ride in Mokpo, South Korea, with an amazing group of friends, walked along the edge of an island on the decked pathway and ate Korean-Chinese food on a day trip to Mokpo. Yet, the memory that remains at the forefront of that trip is of the two brothers on their hike, prompting some deeper thought into it.

There are courses offered in universities across the world that have become something of a sensation, like the courses on the science of happiness taught by Prof. Arthur C. Brooks at Harvard University. I myself am a frequent listener of his podcasts. I am no student of Harvard. However, if you are a student at the Graduate School of Business in Chonnam National University in Korea, you take a course titled, “Leadership in Organisations”, taught by a very articulate, impactful and extremely busy Prof. Jinuk Oh. He is very nonchalant about his role in the university, but I think he secretly runs the place.

Student participation in his class isn’t a myth, it isn’t forced nor is it motivated by grades. Assignments are a kind of therapy, that I often think, “Wow this professor knows me like no other person does.” I once posed a question, “What leadership theory do you follow professor?” Of course his response was no surprise. “Transformational Leadership”, he quipped, and quite rightly because in a few days the semester would end I would walk away from it a better human being.

Inspired by the professor’s teachings, a few thoughts pervaded my mind throughout the semester.

Leadership begins at home

When we think of leadership, most of us think of a professional context; business, academics, politics, so and so forth. Many of us abstain from these mainstream leadership positions, unwilling to shoulder the baggage those positions carry. Whatever our thoughts on leadership be, I have now found it inescapable.

As I was engaging in a Personal Leadership Portfolio (PLP) activity the professor had assigned, I pondered on the role my grandmother played in my life. As I wrote in the PLP;

“Grandma told me bedtime stories every night. She prayed for me every night when I woke up telling her I was scared. Every day after school, she taught my brothers and me English, Maths and many other things like reading the time. She made delicious food, and taught me to do the same. She had created her own recipes. She taught me needlework and all the elaborate embroidery she knew. We did little projects and she would show them off to people and praise me. She had a work chart for us, assigned chores, and would give red stars for a good job, yellow for sloppy and black for utter failure. She herself had a tough life, but she never complained. When she got her monthly pension she would buy the biggest chicken legs and make fried chicken for the entire family without fail.”

She didn’t run a company. She didn’t save the masses. Her name isn’t written in any history book. But she was a leader, wasn’t she?  Much of what I am today was shaped by her.

In Consumer Behaviour, we talk of parents being the first socialising agents of children, from whom they first learn to be consumers. This is true of life in general. All of us were first led by parents, grandparents, siblings or whomever was our guardian. To that little brother hiking in Mokpo, his big brother was a leader, protecting him in the crowded lift and so in sync to receive direction without any verbal exchange.

As teens we were most likely averse to the idea that we could learn from those individuals. The older we grew the less we learnt from them, and sought socialising agents elsewhere. This was true of myself as well. Nonetheless, after more than a decade of adulthood it has become an inescapable reality. Our foundation is set by the leaders in our homes. The first leaders we are exposed to. But indeed the dark reality is that for some, this first exposure to leadership is less than desirable. This is where, in my opinion, we need to think of personal development.

You are your first follower

If there is a leader, there must be a follower. Throughout the course I’ve been toying with the idea that I am my first follower. It always sounded good in my head to think that when I engage in any act of personal development I was essentially leading myself.

Recently a friend and I engaged in a discussion about resentment, and my case against it. Initially I merely said that I don’t care enough to harbour resentment. Admittedly, not the most ideal answer and is most susceptible to interpretation. So having pondered on the issue I’ve come to realise that, maybe at this point in life I care less about what others do to me, but that wasn’t always so.

It may have taken a couple of decades to realise that resentment didn’t do anything positive for me or to others. What it did was make my struggles worse. With the passage of time and many failures, I’ve come to understand, as the stoics would say, I have no control over what others do, but all the control over my actions. So with all this control, what would I do?

My world right now seems to be more informed by all things business, and despite my unsavoury relationship with marketing studies, I’ve gleaned some useful insights from it. In marketing we talk of creating value to the customer. In simple terms this means to increase the benefit to the customer. And so as the first follower under my own leadership, I asked the question, what value or benefit is added to my life by my actions? If there is none, refrain from it.

This story about getting over resentment is a simple exercise in leading myself. Applying it to everyday, to lead yourself first means to evaluate your own thoughts and actions, weigh them against values you hold dear, and apply the learning to your own life. It’s easier said than done, but it is a discipline we can cultivate.

Before we ever think of leading others, we must first lead ourselves. Could the big brother in Mokpo have led his little brother, if he hadn’t prepared himself first? If he hadn’t considered that it was his duty to protect and guide his younger brother, he’d have been racing up the mountain. Leaving his brother to run behind him, instead of their lockstep journey up the mountains of Mokpo.

Coming back to the leadership class, maybe the genuine participation the students displayed came from a place of knowing that our professor led himself first, that he practiced what he preached.

Catalysis happens with a catalyst

The U. S. Department of Energy explains catalysis as “the process of adding a catalyst to facilitate reaction.” Applied to leadership, I like to think of it as the ability of leaders to impact their followers. However, unless a catalyst is added, a catalysis doesn’t occur. Unless we lead, we’ll create no impact. If we extend the scope of leadership outside the boardroom, we will find more opportunity to be positive influences to those within our community, leaving behind a positive leadership footprint.

My grandma led me at home, giving me tools for living. When a friend sits with me outside the neighbourhood CU late into night, sipping banana milk, listening to my woes and helping me gain clarity, she too has facilitated a change in me. When the owner of the neighbourhood café engages in friendly banter, shares home cooked food, and adds warmth to my life, she eases my worries about adapting to a foreign country. When people go out of their way to help you move to a new home, expecting nothing in return, they facilitate stability in your life.

When a professor who had the least number of classes with you can leave you transformed and equipped to handle your future, that is catalysis – the be all and end all of leadership.

Leaders can certainly change the world, but the ‘world’ need not be the unaccountable masses. It can be our families, friends, neighbours, colleagues, or even the random stranger on the street. It’s time we embrace leadership. We can be the catalyst for someone else, and someone else can be the catalyst in our lives.